Whats cookin’ good lookin’? How the heck are ya? I was about to say I hope your May is bringing you all the flowers and spring showers, but then I realized we are already going steady into June… Jeeeeesh! So I guess, I hope theres no gloom in your June? Yeah, lets go with that!
Anyway, I wanted to give you guys a little bit of a life update as my world has made some dramatic entrances into newness. I finally walked across the stage of accomplishment, and made sure to save paying off my 789362 parking tickets til a couple weeks after, because why not live on the edge? I moved out of the house I called home for the last three years, and didn’t manage to cry about it until I had enough time to realize my best friends weren’t living next door… that was yesterday, so I’m clearly falling behind. I decided to open my own wedding planning company instead of getting a cool big girl job, and now here we are on a Thursday, just a couple days after my very first wedding in Lincoln, Nebraska. I could have sworn I was just washing dishes in the bathroom sink of my dorm room, like last week? How did we get here?!
I wanted to share with you the last couple of months, as my heart has been undergoing some serious transitioning. In the midst of all of this blessing and goodness, has been where my heart has felt the most heavy. The thought of how heavy this living thing can be, keeps overwhelming my mind. Everything around us is fast and busy and its not slowing down, and eventually your legs start to give out, your grip starts to slip because you’re exhausted and you can’t seem to keep lifting it. I woke up the other day and asked my self if I really liked my soul, and if I really cherished my heart. Am I loving the right way, am I pouring into people enough, do I have pure intentions in the decisions I am making, am I trusting God to carry me through it all? To be quite honest with all of you, the answer was no… The most common questions after you graduate are “so whats next?” “Have a job yet?” “Where are you going?” etc. I was watching my friends and my community around me answer these questions so confidently about how they are moving away, starting at this incredible firm, with these wild opportunities, getting married even and when I was answering, my hands were shaking, waiting for that look of concern from people when I told them what I was doing. Because my plan was risky and full of potential to fail, and even though this business of mine seemed to be continually getting nourished, my mind couldn’t help but be concerned with fear. “Why did my plans to move away, change all of the sudden?” “How do I make what I’m offering good enough?” “How do I be successful enough?” “Am I enough for that relationship?” “Why isn’t that me?” “Am I enough for all of this?” My soul was earning for contentment, it has been for a really long time, and in all aspects of my life.
I had a close friend tell me the other day that “you are always wanting more from your life, and the people in it.” By no means do I think they meant it in a bad way, but it really makes you think, what is it going to take for you to be really “ready and fully prepared” for anything? Will you ever be? Don’t get me wrong, striving to do better and reach higher can be such a positive, but at what point will you just be content? As I was fighting and struggling to figure it out, this is how the lord answered me…
For everything there is a season. A time to plant, and time to pluck what is planted. A time to break down, and a time to build up. A time to weep, and a time to laugh. A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing. A time to seek, and a time to lose. A time to keep, and a time to cast away. A time to tear, and a time to sew. A time to keep silence, and a time to speak. A time for war, and time for peace.
He will provide the perfect timing, whether it makes sense in the moment or not. Its our job down here to find the simplicity of it all, and allow for him to show us that timing. Allow ourselves to plant the seeds he gives us in order to harvest them, to let go of the things tangling our hearts, and to find the peace that in the end we need to allow for him to give us in what his plans are. We have to trust that we will know his timing.
So, here I am finding my purpose in what I am doing, and knowing my passions. Finding the ability to be vulnerable with people and letting go of the fear of being enough. Doing the things that I believe are worth living for, and having life feel a little lighter. Reaching for more, but feeling content.
Who’s with me?